


Ice Cream Shenanigans

by SylverFletcher



Category: RWBY
Genre: AU ish, F/M, It's kinda silly, Mermaid Neo, Pre-Canon, There's a bit of Cinder bashing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-24
Updated: 2014-12-24
Packaged: 2018-03-03 08:38:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2844809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SylverFletcher/pseuds/SylverFletcher
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a job in Atlas, Roman's crew pulls a mermaid from the water on the trip home. Deciding to keep her around, Roman recruits her and finds himself quite enjoying the company of the sassy, mute, food-loving disguised mermaid illusionist.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ice Cream Shenanigans

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Hey all, sorry for the lack of updates or fics or anything lately, been busy preparing for Christmas and all. Plus, this! This is my secret santa gift for romanflares over on tumblr, and I wanted to get it done before Christmas so here it is.
> 
> Sorry if it's out of character or really silly at points, it's the best I could do with the timing.
> 
> Also, her eye colors are based off this little guide I wrote for myself:  
> White/white – fear/pain/apprehension  
> Brown/brown – at rest/default/emotionless/content  
> Pink/brown – amused/entertained  
> Pink/white – sadistic/evil  
> Brown/white – annoyed/pouty  
> Pink/pink – excited/agreeing  
> Pink/brown brown/pink reversing – unsure/debating  
> Brown/pink – focused/determined  
> White/pink – curious/intrigued  
> White/brown – confused/puzzled/surprised  
> Reversing through all – flustered

"Yes, everything is going according to plan. We got the Dust." Roman said, speaking into the scroll pressed to his ear. There was an underlying tone of annoyance in his voice that the woman on the other side ignored.

"Report back at the hideout once you arrive back in Vale." Cinder commanded, then ended the call before waiting for Roman to reply. The ginger sighed in annoyance.

"So demanding…" He grumbled to himself, shoving the scroll back in his coat pocket. He really hated working with her, though doing so did have its benefits. She was still a damn vixen, though.

Surprised and fearful shouts from outside the captain's quarters caught his attention, and with a frown, Roman pushed the door open and stepped out onto the deck of the ship. Everything was in order and there weren't any other ships nearby that he could see, making Roman briefly wonder what had his crew so worked up. That question was answered when he saw the large fishing net they'd pulled aboard, however, and what was tangled in it.

Stepping closer, Roman watched as the crew tried to figure out what to do. Anytime they tried to approach the net, the thing tangled inside would lunge at them and hiss aggressively. Some of them had started to ready weapons, and that's when he stepped in.

"I'm claiming that. It's mine now." He informed loudly, surprising everyone on the scene. The entire crew were all White Fang members, meaning they were also Faunus, and a cat one approached him.

"You sure? That thing doesn't look like it'll cooperate." She asked, gesturing to the creature tangled in the net. It hissed at her.

"Yep. I'm keeping it." Roman pushed past her to move closer to the net, inspecting the creature as he did.

It looked like a regular human woman, except from her waist down she had an enormous finned tail. Because of how she was tangled in the net, the tail was completely stretched out to length on the boards of the deck, allowing Roman to clearly inspect it. The tail itself was pink along the front, white on the sides and brown on the back, all the way down until it changed to completely brown at the end where it met the fin. The fin was large and shaped like a pair of butterfly wings, and there were multiple other fins on the sides and back of the tail. They all started brown, faded to pink in the middle, and then faded to white on the ends.

Dragging his gaze upward, Roman looked at the girl herself. She was topless, showing off pale skin and a patch of pink and brown scales on her shoulders. Long hair that was half pink and half brown fell over her back, and there were streaks of white in the pink side. She was staring at him with white eyes.

Roman stepped ever closer, and crouched down on the deck beside her. She didn't move, but gave a quiet hiss. "Shh, none of that. I'm not going to hurt you." He soothed, using his gentle voice. The mermaid seemed to relax slightly, and regarded him curiously while her eyes changed to white and pink in a blink.

 _"We'll see whether you do or not."_ Roman thought he heard her speak, but her lips didn't move. Looking around, it was obvious the crew hadn't heard anything either, making him wonder if he'd started hearing things. He shook his head and turned back to the Faunus from before.

"You there, lend me a knife."

She did as asked, pulling some sort of bladed weapon out of her boot and handing it to him. When he turned back to the mermaid her eyes were white again and she was back to hissing, giving him a distrustful glare.

_"I knew it!"_

Ignoring the voice, Roman reached for her. She wiggled and tried to get away, but the net would barely let her move, making her efforts pointless. Realizing she couldn't escape, she slumped back against the deck and closed her eyes, body visibly tense. _Well someone's dramatic, aren't they?_ Roman thought to himself as he sliced through the rope of the net, freeing her from it.

_"Eh?"_

Roman gave the weapon back to the Faunus, then spoke to the crew as a whole. "Alright, everyone back to work! You've been slacking off for long enough. I'll deal with her." As they started to wander back to their posts, he reached down and picked up the mermaid, then stood and headed back for the captain's quarters. She didn't protest, still looking dumbstruck at the fact he hadn't killed her.

When he stepped into the dark gloom of the cabin, Roman realized her fins glowed slightly in the dark. He used that to guide him to the desk and sat her down on it, then turned on the lamp beside her, flooding the room with light.

"So," He started, watching as her eyes blinked back to brown. "Is that your Semblance?"

_"What?"_

"That." Roman said, having realized she was talking to him with telepathy.

 _"No, this is how all mermaids talk."_ Her tone sounded condescending. _"You try talking underwater and see how far you get."_

"Okaaay." He was about to ask another question when she tensed again, making a small pained noise. "What's wrong?"

 _"Nothing, this always happens when I start to dry off."_ She informed, then gasped and curled in on herself slightly. _"It's just really painful."_

The comment about drying off made Roman look down at her tail, curious about its state. The scales looked duller than before and the fins were limp, as if she couldn't move them anymore. As he watched, the scales started to crack and the fins seemed to be pulling away from their places in her flesh, soon coming loose completely and falling to the floor.

Now that her tail was fin-less, the scales down the center of it started to crack as well. At the tip they cracked and fell away, showing that the tail was pulling away from itself, splitting into two halves right down the middle. This split continued all the way up the tail, finally ending a few inches below her waist, where the scales started. The entire process was accompanied by sickening cracking noises as the spine of her tail split as well.

A moment of silence made Roman think it was over, but then the two ends of her tail started to reform, more cracking noises sounding as specific bones broke and healed back as something else. Her agonized cries echoed around the room, showing this process was obviously more painful than the first part.

Finally it fell silent, the girl panting as she recovered from the strain of shifting. Roman watched in disbelief as the scales started to fade away, changing to look like the rest of her skin, and leaving behind a pair of perfectly human-looking legs. She looked up, eyes white again.

_"And now I look like any other human girl."_

Roman was about to say something, but a knock at the door made him shut his mouth. Wordlessly, he stepped away from the mermaid-turned-human and answered it.

"I uh, brought her some clothes. We didn't have any spare uniforms, but we found this on the ship." It was the cat Faunus again, holding out a plain brown dress with a black corset. Roman nodded and took them, and the Faunus left without another word.

He turned back to the mermaid girl, who was sitting with her new legs crossed in front of her. Her eyes were now one pink and one brown, and she had an amused and slightly smug expression on her face. The arrival of clothes for her reminded him that she was indeed completely nude, and he handed the bundle of fabric to her.

 _"What… What is this for?"_ She gave him a perplexed look.

"… Do you need my help putting that on?"

_"… Maybe?"_

Shaking his head, Roman made her place the dress down on the desk beside her. "Come on, now stand up." He said, motioning for her to stand in front of him. She gave him a worried glance at the idea, eyes momentarily blinking to white, but did try to follow his instruction and stand. Of course, as soon as her weight came down on her feet, her knees buckled and she fell into his chest.

_"Walking isn't my strong point."_

"Walking? You can't even stand up." Roman pointed out flatly. She just gave him an annoyed look that said _I know that already damn it_ and he sighed. "Okay, try again. You'll have to learn how to hold your balance and how to keep your knees tense enough they don't just buckle."

It took her a few more tries but soon she was able to hold herself upright on her own two legs, which in turn allowed Roman to grab the dress and pull it over her head.

 _"Hey! Are you trying to suffocate me in this stupid thing?"_ She demanded indignantly, trying to wiggle back out of the offending piece of clothing. Roman just ignored her and pulled her arms through the sleeves, effectively dressing the girl in the simple gown. She stood rigidly still like a cat in a sweater. _"Off. Get it off. I don't like it."_

"Too bad. Humans wear clothes." He tied the corset around her waist next, cinching the dress in place and making her give a faint _oof_ when he tightened the laces.

 _"Humans are dumb. Clothes are dumb."_ She looked highly uncomfortable. _"GAAH I CAN FEEL IT TOUCHING ME GET IT OFF."_

"Nope."

_"I hate you."_

Roman crouched down at her feet, looking at the hem of the dress. "Wow, you're really short. You'll be tripping all over this unless we trim it."

_"This is too much trouble. Just get rid of clothes altogether. Then no more trouble, no more tripping over the ends."_

He reached over, pulling a pair of scissors he'd seen earlier off a table and turning back to the girl to trim the end of her dress. It wouldn't be perfect, but at least she wouldn't trip over it. She stopped complaining about the clothes to curiously watch him snip away the excess fabric, her head tilting to the side as he worked.

_"Are you sure you're a man?"_

Finished with the end of the dress, Roman stood and put the scissors back, then turned to point at the girl. "You are _not_ the first one to make that comment. Also yes, you don't have to be a woman to know how to handle fabric."

Tired of standing on her legs, the girl hopped up on the desk again. _"You're totally a woman in disguise."_

Roman shook his head, then looked back at her with a more serious attitude, changing the subject. "Now let's get this straight right now, ice cream. You work for me, got it?"

She blinked a few times, pink and brown eyes reversing each time until finally settling on one pink and one white. _"Can I kill people if I work for you?"_

He looked at her curiously, slightly surprised by her enthusiasm, but in no way disturbed. "Definitely. You can kill all of my enemies."

 _"I think we'll get along quite well."_ Her voice in his head practically purred. Then she held out a hand. _"I'm Neopolitan."_

"Roman." He took the offered hand, matching her Cheshire smile with a smirk of his own. "Welcome to the party, Neo."

* * *

For the rest of their time on the ship, which ended up being around half a week, Roman helped Neo better learn to walk and even started teaching her how to fight. They weren't sure what she would use as a weapon yet, but he liked having the head start on her hand to hand combat training. He would have started on her firearm aim already, but had decided it wasn't a good idea to try and teach her how to fire a gun while on a ship.

They were pulling into the harbor in Vale now, the long trip overseas finally over. Neo was crouched on the railing at the very front of the ship, looking around excitedly at the activity on the docks. She'd run over and hopped up there as soon as it was announced they were nearing Vale, overly enthusiastic to see what the human world outside of the oceans was like.

Roman was watching her as the ship docked, thinking. It had barely been four days since they'd pulled her from the water, and she was easily more balanced and agile than most of the White Fang, as well as already being far better a fighter than them. In sparring sessions, she was quick and alert enough to wear Roman out quickly, while keeping him from landing hits on her. The ginger criminal was highly satisfied with her natural ability to fight, she was going to make a very valuable subordinate, he knew.

She turned back to look at him. _"There are so many things going on! So many people in one place…"_

"This isn't near what the crowds in the inner city look like; by comparison the harbor is deserted." Roman commented, leaning against the rail beside where she was perched.

_"Deserted? I have never heard that word before."_

"It means empty." He said flatly, then changed the subject. "Anyway, the crew can handle the Dust shipment we've brought in. And I don't have to report straight back to Cinder, so how about we go get you some better clothes?"

 _"But I don't like clothes._ " Neo pouted, eyes blinking to brown and white.

"Again, too bad. I'm not letting you draw attention to us by running around naked."

 _"Fine. But only as long as you get me food after."_ She decided, eyes pink now. _"I've heard stories about the diverse food humans have on land and I want to try it."_

He sighed. "Okay, fine. What do you want to try?"

_"One of the crew members mentioned something called french fries. I would like to try that."_

* * *

"Here, try this."

Neo gave Roman a flat stare, her eyes brown and white. He was holding up a brown combat skirt, attempting to find something the mermaid wouldn't mind so much. While still looking good, of course.

_"No."_

"You find something then."

_"I don't want to."_

"Then you'll have to wear that dress all the time." Roman pointed out. "You don't want to do that, do you? You keep getting your legs tangled in it."

She hissed. _"Fine, if I have to."_

Walking away from him and looking around at the racks of clothes, Neo seemed slightly confused as she poked at the occasional shirt.

_"What guidelines do you use to choose your clothes?"_

"Does it fit you, does it look good, and can you fight in it." Roman shrugged.

She looked down at the dress she was wearing, and pulled at the underbust corset cinched around her waist. _"How about another one of these? I don't mind it so much…"_

"Another corset? We can do that." Roman dragged her away to a wall that had corsets fitted onto mannequins. "What about one of these?"

 _"The brown one there."_ She pointed to one, and Roman waved over an employee to get it down for her. While they waited for them to get a ladder, he turned to another rack and pulled a pair of brown jeans from it.

"Here, you obviously don't like skirts so these will probably work better."

 _"I like the look of those."_ The employee gave the corset to Neo and walked off, and she took a moment to compare it to the jeans.

"Okay, time for you to try these on."

Roman dragged her away to the changing rooms, but once they got there she gave him a sheepish look with white eyes. _"You realize I have no idea how to put these on."_ With a sigh, he pushed her into a free stall and followed.

Once he finally managed to dress the mermaid in her chosen clothes they both looked her over in the mirror. She looked nice in the outfit, but with a frown Roman realized she still had pink and brown scales on her shoulders and upper back, very obviously in sight due to the design of the corset.

"We can't risk people finding out what you are." He mused, touching the scales lightly.

 _"The Faunus on the ship know what I am."_ Neo pointed out.

"Oh they won't be telling anyone." His slightly dark and warning tone made her lips curl into a grin at the thought of him swearing the crew to secrecy. "But we don't need more people knowing about it, _especially_ not Cinder… Wait here."

He walked out of the stall and went straight for the coats and jackets, and only had to flip through them for a few minutes before he found the perfect one. It looked like a female version of his own coat, with pink lining. Coat in hand, he returned to the mermaid.

_"What's that?"_

"A coat." Roman answered flatly, making her eyes blink to brown and white.

_"I can see that."_

"It'll hide those scales, though." He informed, helping her put it on and pulling her hair out from under it. She turned back to the mirror.

_"I like it."_

With the short girl finally dressed in acceptable clothing, Roman pulled her out of the changing rooms and toward the shoe section lastly. She gave him a funny look when he stopped in front of a wall of boots, expectantly waiting for her to point out something she liked.

"You have to wear shoes, Neo."

_"I don't want to."_

He paused for a moment, then; "… If you wear boots with heels, you'll be taller."

That was enough to make her look back to the wall and point out a pair of white boots with very tall heels. _"Those then."_

Roman refrained from making a comment about how hard those would be to walk in, and instead pulled them off the wall and sat her down to try them on. After a brief argument over whether or not she _really_ needed socks, the boots were on and she was standing up again.

 _"EVERYTHING IS SO MUCH SHORTER NOW."_ She was looking around with white and brown eyes, surprised by the instant difference in her height perception. Roman chuckled.

"Now try to walk in them."

Neo took a step forward, wobbled a bit, then another and another. She stumbled occasionally, but for the most part she didn't seem bothered, and quickly figured out how to move in the tall heels. Roman found himself smirking in amusement when he realized she was in taller heels than Cinder.

"We'll have to see how well you fight in those, too."

* * *

Stepping out of the store together, Roman watched Neo fiddle with the black gloves on her hands. They'd picked up the gloves and a few necklaces, which were now hanging from the small girl's neck, before leaving the shop. Now, Neo was dressed _very_ nicely, even if Roman did say so himself.

 _"Okay… These clothes aren't too bad. They look nice. I like them."_ Neo begrudgingly admitted, her voice bouncing around inside Roman's head. He still found that _really_ weird.

"See? You didn't have a choice anyway." Glancing over at her again, Roman decided that he really liked the fact she looked like a shorter, female version of himself. Even people that didn't know either of them would be able to tell Neo was _his._ "Now, as promised, we can go get food."

 _"YAY!"_ A wide smile split her face and her eyes blinked to pink, making Roman chuckle at her enthusiastic reaction.

They were approaching a classic style diner, hidden at the end of this dead end street they had turned onto. It was a pretty out of the way place, most people didn't know about it, but that's why it was a place Roman liked. There were rarely many people inside at one time, and anyone that did go there either wouldn't recognize him or wouldn't bother to turn him in. Plus, they had good food.

By the time they reached the parking lot, the smell of the place's fresh cooked food was wafting out of the windows and being carried along the slight breeze right to them. Within seconds, Neo was making pitiful noises and trying to make Roman walk faster.

Roman held open the door and Neo darted inside, going straight to staring at the fresh pies in the hot box at the front counter. She whined as he dragged her away by the back of her coat, pulling her over to one of the booths by the windows and pushing her down in the seat. The small girl just gave him a flat brown and white eyed stare as he sat down beside her.

She soon turned to look out the window, getting distracted by something outside and not noticing when the waitress appeared. Instead, Roman turned to the woman as she asked for their drinks, trying not to be overly annoyed at the absolutely horrendous pink and white checkerprint apron she had on. He understood it was uniform, but still. It was terrible.

"Ah, I'll take tea, sweet please. Neo?" He turned to his tiny companion, who was still staring out the window.

_"Water, please."_

"She'll have water." Roman informed the woman, turning back to her. She gave him a funny look since Neo had never actually answered verbally, but nodded and walked off anyway. "People are going to start thinking I'm crazy…"

_"Or they'll just think you know me so well that I don't need to speak for you to know what I want."_

"Okay," Roman agreed. "That is a much better alternative."

The waitress returned, setting the water down in front of Neo and the tea in front of Roman, as well as reached to set a couple of menus down. Roman of course immediately took a drink of the tea, knowing full well the iced tea here was lovely, and Neo chose just that moment to turn around. She looked over, inspecting the drinks and menus before looking up at the waitress, who was saying something about the daily specials.

_"OH HOLY MOTHER OF FRENCH FRIES HER SQUISHY CHEST BLOBS ARE ENORMOUS."_

Roman, in the process of taking a drink, choked on his tea at Neo's telepathic exclamation. "NEO, NO." The waitress obviously didn't hear the mermaid's outburst, and she gave Roman another funny look for choking and snapping at the girl for no apparent reason.

Coughing a bit to clear his throat, Roman gestured toward Neo.

"She uh, she pinched me. Yeah, that was it."

"Okaaaay… I'll be back to take your order in a bit, I'll leave you for now…" And with that, the waitress walked away again and Roman turned to Neo.

"Was that really necessary?"

 _"Yes! Her organic milk balloons are huge!"_ She insisted, pink and brown eyes staring up at him. Her expression reminded him of a small child that had just met someone dressed as their favorite superhero. He wasn't quite sure what was so exciting about a waitress with unnaturally large breasts.

"Neo, no." Looking down, Roman pointed at the small woman's own chest. "Besides, you have them too."

 _"But mine aren't the size of giant fleshy pumpkins."_ She pointed out.

"Okay that's it that's the end of this discussion I'm done."

_"But-"_

"Nope. We are not talking about this."

Ignoring her continued protests, Roman reached forward and grabbed a menu, handing it to Neo. She gave him a funny look, eyes still white and brown.

"Here just read this and figure out what you want." He told her, and her eyes blinked to white.

 _"Uhhhhhhh… Aboooout that…"_ Neo chuckled nervously, scratching her head. _"You see, uh… Well, paper and ink don't mix so well with water, yeah? We don't exactly have books down in the ocean. Basically I can't read."_

Roman managed to hold a straight face for exactly five seconds before losing it. Neo's face turned bright pink as he dissolved into laughter, obviously embarrassed by the small skill she lacked. When he composed himself enough to look over at her again, her face was even brighter than before and her eyes were changing colors every time she blinked. He wondered briefly if that was a sign she was flustered, since he'd never seen her do it before. "You are adorable." He stated, amusement still lacing every word. The color in her cheeks reached her ears now, from his comment.

_"Shutup."_

Ignoring her grumbling in his head, Roman reached one arm around her shoulders and pulled her close, then reached for the menu in her hands and held it up in front of them both. She looked like she was about ready to explode from the contact, and Roman poked her face. "Is the sassy little mermaid embarrassed, or does she just like me that much?" He teased.

_"Fuck you."_

"Nah, there's too many people in here."

If it was possible, she turned an even darker shade of red, and Roman almost broke down laughing again at her expression. Finally deciding to let up on teasing her, he turned back to the menu.

"Okay, here. This is good, it's basically meat cut into strips and fried. This is a sandwich with bacon, lettuce, and tomato, it's good too. Then this here is a sandwich with cheese on it that they fry on a griddle." He said, pointing out different things on the menu that he'd tried.

_"The griddle cheese bread sounds good."_

"It's a sandwich, Neo."

_"Cheese sandwich bread."_

Roman just chuckled as the waitress came by again. She took their menus and pulled out that little notepad servers always have, ready to take their order.

"She wants the grilled cheese, and… do you have waffle fries?" The waitress nodded. "Those. I'd like the roast beef sandwich and jalapeno poppers."

With a nod, the waitress was walking away again, and Neo's head snapped around to watch her as she went.

_"Hey, they move when she walks, too."_

Roman facepalmed.

Since everything was cooked fresh to order, it did take a bit of time for their food to arrive. Neo got bored while waiting and ended up learning how to fold the paper wrappers from their straws into little paper stars, managed to stack the spice shakers into an ominously wobbly tower, experimented with putting salt in her own drink, and somewhere along the way she'd ended up with Roman's hat on her head, also taking off her gloves and tucking them into its red band to look like some crazy excuse for cat ears.

Roman decided to never let her get bored again because this was ridiculous.

When the waitress finally came back with a few plates balanced on her arms, she just gave Neo a stunned look, dumbfounded by the smaller girl's superior balancing act. By that point she had the spice shakers and her drink balanced on top of Roman's hat on her head, and somehow nothing had fallen, spilled, or broken yet.

Despite how ridiculous it all was, Neo's shining pink and brown eyes along with the huge smile on her face made both Roman and the waitress start smiling as well. Carefully removing the objects from their haphazard balancing act on her head and placing them back on the table, Roman took his hat back. "You're so cute." He informed her, ruffling the short girl's multicolored hair and making her cheeks turn lightly pink again.

Having placed down the plates while Roman defused the spice shaker and drink disaster waiting to happen, the waitress walked away with a smile still on her face, pleasantly entertained by the cute pair.

Neo forgot her embarrassment almost immediately when she noticed the food on their table. Everything was fresh and hot, some things even still sizzling. Reaching over, Roman picked up one of the waffle fries and held it in front of the mermaid's face. "This is basically a french fry, the things you wanted to try." Nodding, she snatched the fried potato out of his hand and chomped down on it. A moment later she turned back to the ginger criminal, eyes wide with excitement and surprise.

_"It's salty!"_

He chuckled, amused by her reaction. "What did you expect?"

She paused, then; _"I have_ _ **no idea!**_ _"_ With that, she eagerly lunged for the rest of the fries.

* * *

A content Neo pranced out of the diner doors ahead of Roman, obviously in a very good mood. The taller male just chuckled and adjusted his hat as he followed, though unbeknownst to him, Neo's gloves were still tucked into the red band on it.

He decided _now_ they would go meet up with Cinder and see what the woman thought of Neo, and also pick up Roman's next orders. Before the pair could leave the parking lot, however, Roman was stopped in his tracks by someone grabbing the back of his coat. Unsure if the person had a weapon or not, the criminal found it best to just calmly hold still and wait for them to explain themselves.

"Torchwick?" A gruff, deep voice asked, and Roman answered in his usual carefree tone.

"Who's asking?"

They shoved him forward, making him stumble a bit before turning to face them. His assailant was a large man far taller than Roman with muscled arms that looked like they could pummel the criminal into the pavement with one hit, and Roman mentally cursed. This man was an underground Dust transporter Cinder had recently pissed off.

"You know, I _really_ don't feel like chatting right now, not really in the mood." Roman said, backing away.

The transporter just cracked his knuckles. "That's great, because neither do I."

Roman was about to look for an escape route, since he really didn't feel like fighting and his flares wouldn't do much against this guy, when Neo came up to stand beside him. _"This man seeks ill intent against you. Shall I correct him?"_ Looking down at the small woman, Roman noticed she was tilting her head cutely at the man, eyes pink and white and lips twisted into a smug smirk.

He was going to say no, unsure if the mermaid could hold her own against an opponent of that size. But before he could say anything, she was walking forward confidently. "Oh, sending your girl after me, are you?" The transporter remarked, staring down at Neo as she approached, fully unimpressed by the tiny girl in ice cream colors.

However, Roman found himself watching in mystified curiosity as Neo didn't move, but her target flinched back as if dodging from something. He swatted and punched randomly at the air around him and kept stumbling back, then ran forward and pummeled an invisible adversary into the ground. While he was distracted with that, Neo finally stepped forward. She jumped above the man and on the way down, a swift kick knocked him flat out cold onto the pavement.

The short girl looked back over her shoulder at Roman, pink and white eyes glowing softly.

 _"You asked what my Semblance was when we first met."_ She reminded him, voice echoing around his head. _"Well, this is it. I'm an illusionist."_

* * *

"Where _exactly_ have you been?"

Roman had barely even stepped through the door when Cinder was marching toward him, venom in her voice. Subtly motioning for Neo to stay where she was, Roman watched the angry woman approach and met her stare unflinchingly when she stopped right in front of him.

"Your crew arrived this morning and yet you're only just getting here? What exactly was so important you had to slack off?" Cinder hissed.

"Did they not tell you? We picked up someone who will be joining us in our plans." Roman informed her, keeping his cool.

Cinder narrowed her eyes at him. " _My_ plans, and did I say you could recruit anyone? I choose my own pawns."

_"Daaaaamn she's a bitch."_

Managing to not snort at Neo's comment, Roman shot back at Cinder, an annoyed edge making his own words sharp. "I didn't say I recruited her for you. She's mine."

"Okaaay…" Cinder looked thoughtful now, tilting her head slightly as she regarded the ginger man. "Let's see her then."

Nodding back toward the shadows past the doorway, Roman motioned for Neo to come in. They both watched Cinder's face for a reaction as the mermaid in disguise stepped into the light, but her expressions betrayed nothing. Once Neo came to stand just slightly behind Roman, a smirk on her features and eyes both brown, the taller woman moved closer.

"And who might you be?"

_"Not yours."_

"Her name is Neo." Roman told her, ignoring the tiny woman's comment inside his head.

"Can she not speak for herself?" Cinder snapped, annoyed at Roman for answering instead of the person she'd asked.

_"Even if I could I wouldn't waste my breath on you."_

"She's mute."

"If she can't talk, what can she do?"

_"Your mom."_

Roman's face twitched, trying not to laugh. "She can fight better than half the idiots here."

"Isn't she a bit small to handle fighting?"

_"Aren't you a bit old to have a monthly subscription to Lucifer's waterfall?"_

Making a choked noise, Roman covered his face with his hands, trying even harder now to not fall into a fit of laughter from Neo's silent insults. Cinder turned to him with a confused look, which turned even more confused when she spotted the gloves in his hat band.

"Why are there gloves on your hat?"

_"Because fuck you that's why."_

"I'm…" Roman choked, trying so hard not to laugh. "I'm making a fashion statement."

Cinder just gave him a funny look, but didn't bother asking to figure out what the hell was wrong with him. Turning back to Neo, she leaned down, uncomfortably close to the shorter woman's face. Neo's eyes blinked to brown and white, showing off her annoyance at the crime boss's proximity.

"Hmmm… Changing eye colors, huh?" Cinder's voice turned into a sickeningly sweet purr, and Roman grit his teeth as he realized she was trying to charm _his_ Neo. "You're pretty cute, though. You may be worth _something,_ even if it's just distracting our enemies with your pretty face."

_"Why, because you're too ugly to do it? Also kindly get out of my face, your breath smells like a dog's and did you know you're getting wrinkles? You might want to get another facelift, grandma."_

If Roman had a drink right at that moment, he would have spit it everywhere.

"Alright, she can prove herself by going on a job with us." Cinder decided finally, turning and walking away from Neo.

Her next telepathic words just _dripped_ with sarcasm. _"Oh, yay! I always wanted to see what it's like to work as a prostitute!"_

Roman lost it. He roared with laughter and fell to the floor, and a second later Neo joined him, giggling silently to keep up the idea she was completely soundless. Cinder just glanced back at them with a puzzled expression, completely lost.

"That's it, they've gone insane."

* * *

"Alright, we're here."

Roman looked up at the large, dark warehouse as Cinder spoke. It was mostly unused, a few holes in the windows from disrepair. It was also far from the residential side of the city, meaning there would be few cops around to disturb the criminals.

"What's the plan?" Roman asked, absently watching Neo study the building.

"We'll be meeting the head of a small underground Dust trafficking company. What we're here to do is make sure they agree to a good deal, if not… We kill them." The crime boss paused, frowning. "We should have brought along Emerald, we need a lookout to make sure they don't try to ambush us."

 _"I can handle that."_ Neo raised a hand, eyes blinking to brown and pink. Roman turned back to Cinder.

"She wants to do it."

"Oh?" Cinder raised an eyebrow. "Okay, fine. That will be her test. If she can manage being a competent lookout and somehow find a way to actually warn us despite being _mute,_ then she's in."

Her words were laced with contempt, showing how little faith she had in the disguised mermaid. Neo's eyes blinked to brown and white, and she gave the taller woman a flat stare. _"I hope you choke on a marshmallow."_

Continuing on, Cinder motioned toward the warehouse. "Climb onto the roof and keep an eye out for anyone moving around out here, but don't get seen and absolutely do not cast a shadow through the skylights."

Neo nodded and dashed away into the shadows to find a good place to climb up. Her white coat reflected light and made her slightly obvious at first, but after a moment she seemed to use her illusion Semblance to twist the lighting, making it look like she wasn't there at all. After she'd vanished from sight, Cinder walked toward the warehouse doors, and Roman followed.

Inside, it quickly became apparent they weren't the first to arrive. A pair of guards immerged from either side of the door as soon as the two criminals stepped through it, making Roman tense. Cinder just confidently brushed past them and walked right up to a gathering of people sitting around on crates against one wall.

"Ah, speak of the devil and she shall arrive…" Someone grumbled, giving Cinder an unamused look as she approached.

"We're here to make a deal, not jokes." She hissed back, making the person snap their mouth shut.

Roman moved past the guards and approached as well while Cinder told off another of the other boss's underlings, watching as the boss himself became increasingly uncomfortable with the hostile woman's presence.

 _"Oh, hey where'd you come from?"_ Neo's voice popped into Roman's head suddenly, making him wish he could ask her who she was talking to. _"… You're a lookout for the other guys, aren't you? Welp, bye."_

She didn't say anything else, but there weren't any shouts of alarm and the silence outside remained undisturbed, allowing the ginger male to guess she'd successfully gotten rid of the opposing lookout without them making any noise. Tuning back into the current discussion around him, Roman realized it wasn't going favorably.

"You know, there's a pretty big bounty out on you two and the rest of your crew right now… What's to stop us from turning you in if I don't like your deal?" The other boss asked, making Cinder's eyes glow angrily.

"I'd rather avoid bloodshed if possible, however… If you try anything stupid, we won't hesitate to massacre you and your men." She hissed, and the other man laughed before replying, though Roman didn't hear it.

 _"They've got backup. There are some people sneaking up on the warehouse doors, and I can see more stationed on nearby warehouses. Whatever's going on in there, they're not planning on accepting any deals. I'll go take out the sentries and you prepare for a fight in there, kay?"_ Neo's voice warned, and Roman subtly reached out to touch Cinder's back tattoo. She didn't say anything, but glanced back at him momentarily, letting the ginger know she understood the warning.

"Alright, I can tell you're not going to cooperate." Cinder told the other boss, words dripping with danger. "Looks like we'll have to do this the hard way."

"You're gonna regret that decision, wench." With those words, the doors on either end of the warehouse burst open and the rest of the other boss's pawns flooded in, quickly surrounding the criminal pair. "Ah, at least we can get a good profit from turning you in."

Roman spun around to face the lackeys approaching behind them, pressing his back against Cinder's. She continued glaring daggers at the other leader as she summoned flames into both of her hands, ready to burn their attackers. "You underestimate me."

And then chaos broke out as all of their surrounding foes lunged forward and Cinder retaliated in turn with vicious flames, burning anyone that dared approach her. Roman turned and shot a flare at the only working light, flooding the warehouse with darkness and leaving nothing but the moonlight and Cinder's flames to see by. That was enough to disorient their attackers, allowing the ginger criminal to follow it up with another flare shot at the ground, breaking up the concrete and flinging multiple people back.

The sound of shattering glass could be heard over the commotion of the fight, and a second later shards of the broken skylight rained down on everyone in the warehouse. Roman ducked to avoid getting any in his face, and when he looked up next he caught sight of a blood covered Neo darting around the shadows.

Sudden concern for the ice cream colored mermaid shot through him, unsure whether the blood she was covered in was hers or not. The momentary distraction was enough for someone to lunge for him, swinging a heavy-looking weapon right for his face. He wasn't able to react fast enough to dodge, but Cinder grabbed the back of his coat and yanked him out of range. Unable to stop their weapon, the reckless hit forced Roman's attacker to be pulled off balance by the weight, and Neo took that chance to dive in and knock them out.

Silence fell around them. Keeping one of her hands flaming for light, Cinder looked around at the various limp forms of the trafficking company and their boss on the floor. Most of them were burned, but a good few had their heads at odd angles, making it apparent that the weaponless Neo had snapped their necks.

Roman and Cinder both looked up from the floor to Neo's face. She was panting slightly from the exertion of fighting, but under the blood splattered on her face she had a wide Cheshire grin along with pink and white eyes. Her whole being practically radiated excitement from the ordeal, making her sadistic nature clearly apparent.

_"THAT. WAS._ _**AWESOME.** _ _"_

"Okay, fine. She can stay." Cinder agreed, somewhat impressed by the short girl's performance. "But you keep an eye on her. I don't want random murders getting traced back to _me_ because _she_ got bored."

_"You smell like a campfire that someone tried to stoke with old cheese."_

Roman inwardly sighed.

* * *

Returning to Roman's apartment in the upper class residential side of the city, he immediately forced Neo to sit on the kitchen counter and retrieved a first aid kit from under the sink. She whined in his head about wanting to explore, but he didn't really care, ignoring her as he washed the blood off her face.

_"I'm fine, really! It's mostly those guys' blood…"_

"You're still covered in cuts all over." He snapped, though it was without force. "That's kind of what happens when you jump through a glass window."

_"Well, it was the fastest way down."_

Roman shook his head. "Don't be reckless."

 _"… Okay, Roman."_ Her voice was quiet, ringing softly in his mind. Her tone made him step back and really look at her now, sitting on the dark granite and swinging her legs gently. With the blood cleaned off, she looked normal and innocent again, but her downcast white eyes and somber expression betrayed the slight guilt she felt at making Roman worry about her.

With a sigh, Roman reached out and pulled the short woman close. The way she was sitting up on the counter made her nearly the same height as him, allowing the ginger criminal to rest his face in her pink and brown hair. He felt her arms snake loosely around him to return the hug, her gentle touch almost imperceptible through his coat.

They stayed like that for a long time, and all the while Roman found himself contemplating Neo's presence in Vale. On the one hand, she seemed to be adjusting well to life out of the water, and she was definitely fit to be a criminal. He realized she would quickly turn out to be one of his strongest pawns if everything kept going the way it was, especially once she got a weapon of her own. However, on the other hand, he found himself worrying for her wellbeing, and also what would happen if anyone found out what she was.

Dragging himself back out of his thoughts, Roman was tempted to share them with Neo and see what she had to say on the topic, but her arms around him had gone limp, her shoulders moving ever so slightly with each slow breath. The mermaid in disguise was fast asleep.

Chuckling quietly, Roman gently lifted Neo off the counter, trying not to move her too much to avoid waking her. It was indeed late, he mused, and knowing Cinder it was best they get as much sleep as possible before she next called on them.

With that thought in mind, Roman carried Neo off to the guest bedroom before going to bed himself, both of them glad for some much needed rest.

* * *

It felt like moments after his head hit the pillow that Roman opened his eyes again, but he knew immediately it was a dream. If the ground made of ice cream and the river of coffee didn't make it obvious enough, the Neo riding by on a raft of french fries with a little sailor's hat on her head definitely did.

"ROMAAAAN I'M HUNGRY." She shouted, waving from the fried potato raft.

"Neo get out of my head and let me sleep." He snapped back as he approached the coffee river.

"Nope I don't wanna. I'll do that when you get me food."

"There's food all around you."

"That's because this is a dream! I'm hungry for real."

Ignoring her to look around, Roman observed the ridiculously colorful dreamland made of food. The ice cream ground was Neapolitan colored, of course, and there were a few trees around that were made of chocolate with leaves of gummy candy. Also there were blue cotton candy clouds and the sky was pink.

He turned back to the eccentric mermaid. "Neo there's too much pink here and also I'm blaming you for this."

"Good because it's my fault." She informed him. "Anyway, I want food."

"Get out of my head. Go away."

"Nope."

"Neo."

"Look at all the ice cream Roman… You waaaant ice creeeeam…" Neo purred, still slowly sailing by on the fry raft. "Fried potatoes… Coffeeeee…"

"Stop it."

"Buuuurgers… Cheese sandwich breads…"

Roman gave her a flat look.

Hopping off the potato raft and joining him on the ice cream bank, Neo latched onto Roman and stared up at him.

"Eggs and toast… Pancakes… _Sushi…_ " She continued listing off random foods she'd heard of, and Roman sighed. "Pizzaaaa… Milkshakes…"

"Okay fine."

"YESSSSSS!" Neo exclaimed, and suddenly they were standing on another raft in the coffee river, except this one was a giant waffle. Holding one hand in the air, a victorious look crossed the short girl's face.

"Neo, what are you doing?" Roman asked flatly.

"Shhhh, the ship is sailing."

"What."

* * *

Waking up in the dark of his bedroom, utter confusion filled his mind as he tried to put together the fading pieces of the strange dream. Something about food and Neo sailing ships. Blinking a few times and shaking his head, he finally noticed the pair of glowing pink eyes peering over the foot of his bed.

"ACKFFERHF!" Roman spazzed in surprise, somehow tangling in his sheets and falling off the bed. The light clicked on as he stared up at the ceiling, then the ice cream colored culprit appeared. Now sitting on his bed and leaning out to look down at him with pink and brown eyes, Neo gave him that innocent smirk.

_"I'm hungry."_

"Damn it Neo." Roman grumbled, fighting to escape the hold of his sheets and stand up. During that process, he glanced at the clock. "Neo it's half past five are you kidding me."

_"Hungry."_

"… Fine." Giving in, the ginger criminal left the room to put on his boots and coat. He sure as hell wasn't changing out of his comfy night clothes this early in the morning, fashion be damned.

About fifteen minutes later, the pair found themselves seated at an outdoor table of a small, early hours café. Neo was wolfing down a huge stack of pancakes that had been topped off with ice cream, as well as cocoa and a side of fries. Roman himself wasn't very hungry, instead opting for a nice big cup of coffee.

As he waited for the short girl to finish her breakfast, Roman looked out over the mostly empty streets. Most shops didn't open until far later in the morning, so this particular area was pretty dead this time of morning. However, just after six or so Roman noticed another shop down the street come to life as its employees showed up to open for the day, and after noticing what type of shop it was, he set his coffee down and stood.

_"…?"_

Hearing the unspoken question in his head, Roman waved Neo off as he walked away. "Stay there and finish your food, I want to go get something."

Shrugging, Neo went back to inhaling her pancakes.

Roman returned only a few minutes later, carrying a plain plastic bag in one hand. Neo gave him another curious look as he sat down and started pulling things out of the bag and setting them in an organized manner on the table. From what she could tell, they looked to be weapon parts, including a pink gun barrel and a hidden blade.

Neo finished her food and leaned closer to watch as Roman assembled the various pieces plus multiple connecting parts and the main body of what she guessed to be an umbrella. Roman was not unaware of her curious stare, smiling slightly at her interest in the construction of the weapon.

 _"I like it…"_ She commented passively, watching as he spun it in his hand and made sure the blade stayed in place.

Reaching into the bag again, Roman pulled out the final piece, which was an indestructible lacy parasol cover for the top and put it in place before finishing it off by tightening the end of the barrel in place. Finally, he closed it and turned to hold it out to Neo.

"Well that's good, because it's yours."

She was completely still for a moment, then made a high pitched squeaky noise as she took the weapon from him and examined it, opening and closing it over and over with a huge smile and pink eyes. When she ran over to a patch of light from the rising sun and started to spin the lace cover in the light to create patterns on the ground, Roman knew he'd made the right choice.

Of course, she still had to learn how to use it. But that could wait. For now, Roman decided he'd just enjoy the sight of the excited mermaid.

His scroll ringing made him frown, and he answered it with the most annoyed tone he'd had all week, unhappy someone was interrupting the adorable moment. "What?"

"Roman, I need someone to go oversee the White Fang recruitment event. It's later today, you can bring your pet with you." Cinder informed, then hung up, not waiting for an answer.

He turned to look back at the ice cream colored girl again, watching her play with the shadows cast by her umbrella. Maybe she would have to learn to use it a bit sooner than he thought.


End file.
